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Dec. 7th, 2010 | 02:10 pm

So, I've got a few updates in my life (which has been hectic and evil and filled with death-sickness) My depression has gotten considerably better!! My relationship with my father has gotten worse. However, I do recognize my fault in this and I'm making efforts to interact with him on a positive level and not just avoid him completely.

Money. Ugh. Aside from my father, this would be the number one reason for any and all attacks of depression. Can I afford to go to Winter Session at school, should I get a second job, how am I going to deal with Christmas, etc, etc, it goes on and on. However, aside from somthing to keep me up in bed at night (Medical Marijuana - it's not just for hippies and junkies!) I can't do anything about these problems, so they're all just stewing about in my head.

I've found that I'm better able to recognize the dark roads I start down that lead me to depression. I listen to a song like Yatta! or Jumper or something, and the positive message of hope actually speaks to me. Or even slightly darker songs, I hear the message and I can sense the positive solution. Same thing with movies and TV, I've just finished Mushi-shi, which has a lot of stories, but no real positive messages and no real end. Yet it's really inspiring.

I find that I long for a simpler life. I don't like that I live in such a consumer, capitalist, cling-to-our-stuff until we DIE society. I'm starting to see and understand ways to change that, for me personally at least. I'm still having trouble implementing these and putting them into practicce in my life, but at least I'm going in the right direction now.

Sigh, class, it starts, I must pay attention now -_-=3

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