?

Log in

Fanfiction Directory

Aug. 29th, 2010 | 08:20 pm

Welcome to Lily Kalanoa's fanfic page! It's far past time I have these organized, so here we are. The main categories all have many stories in them and I sincerely hope you enjoy reading my work! At the very bottom is the rest of the work, series that only have a few stories, including Fushigi Yuugi and Yu Yu Hakusho. I do hope you all enjoy ^_^


Avatar: The Last Airbender

Gundam Wing

Naruto

Slayers

Trigun

Assorted others

Link | Leave a comment | Share


Not Dead

Aug. 16th, 2010 | 11:16 pm

I kept my word, I have not disappeared this time!

I'm very contomplative of late and I want to be more active online. But anyway, I mentioned last time that I've been reading books about depression and stuff. I finished the first book and it was very interesting to read. It was a lot of talk about 'the beast' and how it is insidious and undermines you. It makes me think of a parasite. When you're sick and you know you need help, you generally go to the doctor and or other people that can help. But depression, like a parasite, undermines the body (or in this case brain) response so that the immune system doesn't work right. It makes you think that no one cares and that the world is a far worse place then it really is (though I'll be the first to admit it can suck). Depression literally whispers to your brain that trying would not do any good, so you don't try, allowing 'the beast' to dig deeper into you.

I am very thankful and quite lucky that I've never been severely depressed enough to be hospitalized. There are times when I think it's been close, though. I remember the first time I showed that I was depressed. At the time, of course, I didn't know what it was. And I'm not talking about the type of depressed like when my cat died or I had to change schools. I remember it pretty well. We'd gone shopping for a new sectional for out apartment (I mean my parents and me). our apartment door opened into a tiny tiny hallway and then the kitchen. When the couch was delivered, though, no matter what way they turned it and twisted it, they could not get it into our house. We had to exchange it for a different one. At about 8 years old, I cried over this couch for three or four hours.

It wasn't for another several years that I even knew what depression was. I was twelve or so and I was starting to learn about it. I had heard about the 'stages of grief' and went to look those up and stumbled upon a thing about depression instead - gotta love the internets! But after a while, I started to see the truth of how these applied to me. One night, after many failed attempts to talk to my parents, I left this list I had made up on the computer and went to bed. When they came in to talk to me, I didn't want to talk, not to them. Mom brought me to a therapist through her work and we talked some. Work provided three or four sessions free. On the last session I felt I wasn't making any progress (I thought I was doing okay) and I knew we would have to pay, so I stopped going. I wouldn't get proper treatment for another five or more years.

So, yeah, much of my life has sucked. I'm hoping that exploring it will help a lot. I've never wanted to be on meds ad it seems as though my body doesn't want it either. I became immune (and had horrible side effects) from my first medication. The second started to lose its effect and I went off of it. After a couple years break I'm now on a third, but in the last month, I've had four or five MAJOR depressive incidents including a brief bout of suicidal thoughts. I don't think it's working any more. I've been looking into medical marijuana to help relax and deal, but the only real solution is to get out of this life. Not in the death way. Not in the run away way either, which is a more real danger with me. But more on that later, I've been rambling too much for this 'work into the socializing thing'. So, until next time. And though this is a downer to end on, look forward to some more mood appropriate icons soon.

Link | Leave a comment {1} | Share


Life, it sucks

Aug. 7th, 2010 | 07:55 pm

And I have no real reason to complain, I really don't. My life, overall, isn't that bad. I still have a good family, some great friends, a boy I love with all my soul. But there are so many things that suck and annoy it's . . . well, sucky and annoying.

I had another bad day recently, my depression flaring up, kind of like a bad knee (which I also have). My knee's been hurting, too, I wonder if it's related. Anyway, I'd forgotten just how good books are as therapy for me. I ended up going to the library when I felt so crappy and picked up a couple of books - about depression! The one I've read so far is really interesting, it's a first hand account from someone with much worse depression than me and some official facts thrown in. It's got me thinking and thinking is probably good for my mental health. I figure writing is good, too, so I'm going to post some. Just a random intro today, but I may end up sorting things out in the next few days. I dunno, we'll see. For now, I sleep.

Link | Leave a comment {1} | Share


Sigh, life

Jun. 8th, 2010 | 05:47 pm

Deep sigh

Life is suck-tastic

I keep wanting to sit down and update my LJ, do what I want with it and catch up with my friends, but it fails hard. I'm so tired of having to share my computer with people that say aloud on a regular basis how much they don't like it >_< On one hand, her compie died and that sucks like crazy. She doesn't have the money to get a new one, but more and morer things keep coming up and getting the new one gets pushed further and further back . . . sigh

There are worse things, I really shouldn't complain. My school is finally starting to go well again. For those of you reading this who don't know about the shit storm that is my schooling, here goes. I suffer from serious clinical depression (which I'm on meds for and it's not so bad anymore). When I entered the CSU I hit an all time low and it wasn't long before I was academically disqualified. I was stubborn and kept taking classes to try and fix things, thus digging myself a deeper hole. I'm FINALLY getting well again and if not for the schools new idiotic rules, I might be a regular student again. Still, I am almost there. I'm hoping to get re-enrolled next spring. Sigh, everytime I think about it all I can feel myself spiraling down . . . here's hoping it's almost done.

Link | Leave a comment | Share


WELCOME TO CLEPIA

May. 25th, 2010 | 03:32 pm


This is Clepian Costuming

Welcome All!
If you've found your way here, you are probably interested in some of my costuming work. Please browse and enjoy.


Samples and Examples

 Prices, details, and the information I'll need are all found there. What do I offer, you ask? Everything! The simplest and easiest are straight clothing, cosplay pieces, kimono, gothic lolita, etc. I do some accessory work such as armor or weapons and I also offer jewelry and other small metal work. Go check it out and see if I give you some ideas for what you truly want.

As far as general pricing goes, you will most likely be charged the cost of materials plus $5 per piece of clothing, more if it's extremely complicated or difficult. Even standard orders can be customized! Let me know, it's almost certain I can do what you want.

Orders can be made through a private message through Livejournal, or by e-mailing me directly at Lily_Kalanoa@yahoo.com Both get me the information, neither is faster than the other, but DO NOT leave your order here on a comment. I will answer every mail I get and work out any details I still need as well as the final price. If I can, I'll start right away, but I WILL NOT ship until I receive payment. Other than that, I will do everything I can to get you the finest quality work I can and as quickly as possible.

Link | Leave a comment | Share


(no subject)

May. 13th, 2010 | 06:22 pm

Wow, it's been like a year since I've been on here

I'm so behind T_T

Well, I'm gonna be doing some catching up and also some remodeling . . . um, that's all for now, but - I'm not dead!

Link | Leave a comment | Share


Amazing Hope

Nov. 8th, 2009 | 01:59 pm

So, my life has been pretty hectic lately. A big part is just trying to survive school and minor fits of depression. I lost my job, but I'm kind of okay with that. Lack of money, but oh well. In general, I've just been overwhelmed by life (and Yaoi Con franticness didn't help).

But there is hope!

So a few days ago I was on the bus heading home. And beside me there was a religious woman (Christian specifically). She started up a conversation with the girl across from her and they talked the Jesus talk. Whatever, good for them, she found a kindred soul. A couple of stops later the second girl got off and the woman turned her sights on me. I tried to be nice, I didn't want to insult her faith. I let her know I was Buddhist, politely told her it wasn't for me, but she would let up. I took to ignoring her and she still wouldn't stop! Annoyed, I turned to her and gave the argument that turned me off of Christianity long before I found Buddhism. If God would deny access to heaven to 70% of the world simply because they happen to believe something different, then I don't want to go to that heaven.

She kept trying, it took several more stops before she gave up. However, after a moment she turned to the woman on her other side, whos immediate response was "I'm a witch, I've been a witch for a very long time. My gods are much older and more powerful than yours, so keep your proselytizing to yourself." The religious woman still wouldn't stop and the witch yelled at her that others have beliefs too. It was all quite entertaining, actually.

Anyway, the nice witch and I got off at the same stop. As we left the bus, I turned to her and said "Goddess bless" to which she bowed and gave a kind "Namaste" in return.

Maybe there's hope for the world after all.

Link | Leave a comment {3} | Share


(no subject)

Aug. 4th, 2009 | 07:26 pm

*deep sigh* My life is made of so much suck right now, it's ridiculous.

So let's start with the suck of school. It's craptastic, that is all. I'm getting pissed at my inability to fix it, but that's a good thing, because it means I probably will fix it now, that's how I got over my aracnaphobia after all ^_^

Des is back at the house, has been for a while now. The amazing crap in her life just boggles my mind, but not quite as much as the fact that she keeps going back to the bastard and putting up with his shit. Seriously, the fucker is above and beyond asshole, cheating, lying, blaming, badmouthing, I would do a lot more than dump his sorry ass.

But anyway, Des is back at the house. For anyone in the circle of friends that actually knows her, this should tell you where my stress levels are right now. I tend to avoid talking bad of people that are into the online thing...but I don't think she knows my LJ, so I'm gonna be a little more free. She needs to get a fucking clue! She needs to grow up and learn to take care of herself. Knowing that this situation is far from permanent, she's done nothing to try and find another place to live. She's going back to Hal's and staying with the fucker when his new fuck toy isn't there, and she's still doing the cleaning and organizing and bill paying - and she wonders why he isn't speeding the process to get her out of there? I know I'm only getting half the story, and I know it's Des's somewhat altered view of reality...but even taking all that into account, Hal is doing some seriously messed up shit. And she's putting up with it still!

There is an episode of CSI that I always kind of liked. It's this cheerleader who kills a guy that really had it coming. But when they go to her house, they see an empty fridge and a picture of a fat girl they assume is her roommate. Actually it's the cheerleader, and she keeps the photo to remind her and get her to thin down at any cost. So, i want to get a picture of Des, and one of my Dad, and others in my life that have failed. I need to put them somewhere prominant as a reminder - this is what you will be if you don't pull your crap together.

Link | Leave a comment {1} | Share


(no subject)

Jul. 28th, 2009 | 02:37 pm

Tee hee~ I haz a new laptop. It's an Asus EeePC and it's tiny ^_^

Only cost me $250 plus handling and such. I think I'm planning to get one for 1st my dad and 2nd my boy. I'd give one of them my old laptop, but it doesn't really work. It's a little slow, otherwise fine in terms of running, but the battery is fried and the power cable is messed up AGAIN. All in all, I spent too much money on that one, had to replace the screen even, but it was a good machine for 3 or more years. I hope this new one lasts as long (preferably longer).

Link | Leave a comment {1} | Share


(no subject)

Jul. 28th, 2009 | 02:22 pm

Bullshit is really a great show ^_^ and youtube is a great thing!

I'm back, hello all. And I'm using the journal for what it is today - a journal. Saa, it's just been a rough time lately. I had an episode at work the other night, I was ready to curse out every guest and run to the back room and just refuse to get out. And I've been taking my meds, too! thankfully, it passed, but it was pretty bad. The night before I hit a real low while I was reading. I was insanely depressed and I'm not sure why, I was thinking about cutting, and I'm not sure if I was just thinking about it or if I was thinking about actually doing it. Thankfully, this, too passed. I'm too smart/aware to actually hurt myself, a sign I'm decently healthy still.

I'm still feeling kinda bleh, but not really depressed anymore. Just bleh, just don't wanna go to work. My school is made of fail as well, but, there's not much I can do about it until Fall starts. x__x

Link | Leave a comment {1} | Share